the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
