What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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