he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
