their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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