so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
