So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If that was your dad, he is hot
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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