Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
