is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
