Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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