What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The air was thick with penises
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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