Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
