:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
