I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
