If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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