So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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