yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
