I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize