Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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