I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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