porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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