i just wanna soil my oats bro
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
