i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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