also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
