Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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