If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
