We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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