Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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