i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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