There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
