In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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