If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
