By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize