what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
