I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
