Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I got inside last night via doggy door
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
