So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
