so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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