not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Holy shit dude........stairs
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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