a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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