just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
