you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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