Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
