i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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