Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
