i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
should my penis look like a turkey
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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