Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
