I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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