YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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