she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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