bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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