I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
