My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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