Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
