I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
