You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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