I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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