Its about making memories worth repressing
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
