I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
