literally had 100 drinks last night.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he fucked my hip out of place.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
