I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
