So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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