if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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