she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize