hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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