Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
