Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
