I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
