2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
