Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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