I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
