Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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