shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
