Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
