Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
