I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
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