I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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