"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
