she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
