Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I think my moral compass just broke
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