I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
