About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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