Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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