He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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