your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
