For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
