So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's no shave November. This is our time.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
