Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
